Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Beach Attire

Or, what to do while you hang out with small children all day.

I've been checking out the bathing suits of all of the people who walk by while Dagny and I play in the sand here. I was hoping to develop some kind of theory on what kinds of suits look good on different kinds of bodies. So, no -I can't report any great theories here. The number of different body shapes is too vast.

However, I have identified some easy "don't" rules:

1. Big circles or dots on bathing suits are bad. They don't look good on anyone, even college girls.
2. Writing on your bottom is bad.
3. Suits (even if they are metallic) that are close to your skin color are always unattractive.
4. More of us need to spend more time picking suits that actually "suit" us instead of falling back on whatever is at Target or Lands End.
5. You can tell when the boobs aren't real

Also, I'm becoming an un-fan of the tankini. It seems like the bathing suit equivalent of a baggy sweatshirt or yoga pants and flip flops. Why even bother with a two piece? Doug and I are working on me being less frumpy (a personal "what not to wear") so I'm looking at this a lot. I'm not saying everyone should wear a string bikini (myself included) but there is something to be said for a nice Speedo tank.


Mike Maier said...

'especially' if they are metallic, I would say...

Dogwood Girl said...

Steph, agreed that tankinis are getting kind of boring, but if you are a person with a stomach, tankinis can be more flattering, because some of them billow out around the belly.

And I like tanks and other one-pieces, but I will be honest: Speedos ARE frumpy. They are for functionality, not attractiveness. i am not saying you can't be attractive in one, but just that they are the equivalent of a cardigan sweater or overalls in the clothing world. :-)

Wes said...

I personally like the writing on girls butts :-) Spoken like a true man!! I don't like bathing suits close to skin color either. They are non-flattering. Other than that! It's all good!!

Hope you had a nice weekend :-)

Nat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nat said...

I have one string bikini with writing on the butt it says"Cinema Paradiso" and the print, I guess, is stills from the movie. I have heard on more than one occasion when wearing it men comment--when I guess they think I can't hear them--that they like when girls have words on their butts. One guy said "It sort of gives you permisson to stare at their asses a little longer than you normaly can."

I too go to the beach and marvel at people's choices of suits and then laugh that I had such anxiety about myself in a bathing suit.

Case in point: One girl on our trip was wearing a string bikini that not only did she have no business wearing a string bikini but at the very least she could have bought one that fit if that was the route she wanted to go. The one she was wearing was so small I could see the girl's entire butt crack. It was quite obscene.

I don't do Tankinis--I think one pieces and tankinis emphasize the waistless wonder that I am.

Like Anne, I think tanks are frumpy too but I have gotten compliments on my "workout" suit. I thought on the first one that she was making fun of me but apparently not. It isn't totally unflattering but it really doesn't do a lot for my shape either.

Lastly, I absolutely think you have the body to bear a lot more than you do. Part of wearing some of the more revealing suits is having the confidence to do so. Self conciousness is never sexy or hot. Trust me. You have a great figure and can pretty much wear anything you want.

Tara M. said...

I like the tankini because it makes it a whole lot easier to go pee. Yanking down the one-piece is a pain. That being said, I have gone the one-piece route this year because I think the tankini tops tend to end in unflattering locations. If my love handles are still going to show, why bother with a two piece? Well, there is the bathroom issue.

Grey said...

I personally just like walking down the beach naked. Oh sure, michelle complains, and the cops usually have something snide to say, but you have to be true to yourself.