Monday, November 07, 2005

I'm too sexy

Little-known facts about breast-feeding:

1. All bra, all the time.
2. Hormones give you hot flashes.
3. Pregnancy weight doesn't come off until you stop nursing.
4. Full, porn-star looking breasts are actually hard as rocks and hurt.
5. Larger breasts get in the way of life.
6. Even if you are covered up, some people will avoid you like the plague when you are nursing. Others will want to examine the baby - up close.
7. Leaking is the rule, not the exception.
8. Your shirt is always covered in milk or spit-up.
9. Shirt = burp cloth for baby. High fashion is out. Heck, low fashion is out.
10. Nursing shirts don't work because it is harder than you would imagine to thread your breast through the flaps and slits which are supposed to cover it up - especially with one hand while holding a squirmy, crying baby.
11. The nursing holds they teach you in class only work if your breast extends a certain distance away from your body.
12. While eating, the baby will unconsciously rub your side with her hand.

OK, that last one was a good thing, but the rest - not so much.

1 comment:

Dogwood Girl said...

You forgot that no one really tells you that your nipples may crack, bleed, and scab over. That your boobs will start leaking at the sound of baby's cry. That baby might go two to 3 hrs between feedings, but that means from the beginning of a feeding, and that feedings can last up to 45 minutes or more, and that even after you feed baby, baby doesn't necessarily calm right down. You probably have to walk baby, swaddle baby, change baby, sing to baby, jump down, turn around, pick a bale of cotton. . .

ugh. Fun.