Monday, April 17, 2006

The End of the Boob As We Know It

Before Dagny was born, I said that I would breastfeed for six months since that is how long Annika did it before she decided she was done. That was always the plan. I really was looking forward to having my boobs back and stopping the weird menopausal symptoms that occur when I am breastfeeding. Doug was also looking forward to the end for obvious reasons and also because there is only so much of me whipping it out in public that anyone wants to see. Dagny didn't really care - once she learned to drink from a bottle, as long as the food comes, she does not care about the delivery method or contents.

So, last week Dagny was six months and since I was starting the job, I started weaning. Granted, the hormone shift when ceasing breastfeeding is huge, but it's really upsetting me. I know that my milk production is not a measure of my worth as a mother, and that Dagny would be stopping in the near future anyway as she learned to drink from a cup, but MAN - this is hard. It doesn't help that the stopping coincides with the beginning of working or that the ladies on my moms board gave me disapproval about it (I am hypersensitive, obviously). I thought I would just postpone getting rid of the nighttime and morning feedings because I really like that time with Dagny. It's hard not to be filled with love for her when she is cradled in my arms and I'm filling her full of the good stuff. Well, apparently, my body had other plans and there wasn't enough supply to keep Dagny asleep all night last night so we were up several times to feed and then to make a bottle. It sucked.

Too bad I didn't take more time to appreciate the joy of being able to do the feeding while it was happening. I'm bad about that - rushing though everything to get to the next thing. Doug always says that I should stop and enjoy stuff - I wish I would just listen to him sometimes.

4 comments:

Dorothy Gould said...

Steph, This totally hits home with me. I feel for you...it is so easy to get tired of nursing when you are in the midst of it, but miss it when it is all over. I am glad that Dagny is being so agreeable to the bottle, and hope your hormones even out soon. It always amazes me that other people think they should have an opinion about your most personal decisions....you are a great mother; your two healthy daughters are testimony to that!

Nat said...

:( Not sure who you are referring to but I hope I was not unintentially unsupportive of your deciding to stop.
I am sorry you are having a tough time about it but I don't think you should beat yourself up about it one bit.
In the span of parenthood breastfeeding is such a small aspect of it, really--no matter what the Nazis may lead you to believe.
I think with the 6 months you put in you are off to a great start.
Don't let yourself forget that so much of being a good parent means doing what makes YOU happy. Don't let anyone make you second guess your choices.

Dogwood Girl said...

"ladies on my moms board gave me disapproval about it (I am hypersensitive, obviously)."

REALLY, really hope that this isn't referring to us, because, I can't speak for the others, but i couldn't disapprove less. If anything, i am jealous and understanding all at the same time, because I am going through similar BF difficulties/issues. Am going to call you in the a.m. (Think 10:53 pm may be too late?) Big, big hug!

Dogwood Girl said...

"In the span of parenthood breastfeeding is such a small aspect of it, really--no matter what the Nazis may lead you to believe. "

I have to second what Nat said. This is so not a big deal in the larger scheme of things. You know that. Or at least you will when the hormones let up. :-)