Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I See You Baby, Showing That Ass

When I was a little kid, my dad referred to any foolish or embarrasing act in public as "showing your ass." Tantrums, spilled beverages, shouting matches, sloppy drunkeness or generally acting like an idiot are all "showing your ass." I don't know if this is a southernism or not, but in my world someone "acting a fool" is "showing their ass."

So, I showed my ass at the pool today.

Not in the way my dad meant, though.

No hissy fits, no tantrums, no diva-ish behavior.

Instead, my trusty purple Speedo finally gave up the ghost. It was pretty ratty and getting transparent in the back but since the background of the pattern was a light color you really didn't know whether it was my skin or the suit. But the suits we've bought on e-bay were not the right size. I'm not small, I tell you. And, it's almost time for the REI dividend so I was waiting.

My suit was of a similar style to this one

Anyway, I was swimming along on my planned endurance swim. My 500 warm-up went fine. Midway through my long set (3,000 yds), I felt like my suit was doing something weird. Maybe it's getting a runner, I thought. Or, maybe I dropped some toilet paper in my suit. However, this was my endurance day where I do the non-stop swimming in preparation for the 5K race so I kept going. You wouldn't think you could feel a breeze in the water being all wet anyway, but I thought there might be a breeze.

The guy in the lane next to me was hanging out on the wall for a really long time, which was weird because he was sharing a lane. I ignored him. This was an endurance swim and that means no stopping. I even tread water to adjust my googles. No stopping.

Then, some feet appeared at the end of my lane. I burst out of the water in surprise and there was Doug.

"Your suit is ripped," he said.

"Oh, did it run?"

"Um . . . "

"Can you tell?"

"I can see your tattoo."

"Oooh. I have another 1,000 to do." Thinking that it can't be so bad. No one is looking at my bottom.

"Want me to bring you my towel after I shower?"

"No, that's OK. I'll be all right."

"I'll bring you my towel."

"OK," I said while I thought that perhaps the run was really bad. No matter, I had a swim to do and I was going to do it. I finished the 3,000 and would have kept going to 3,500 because I felt good, but Doug was waiting for me.

I got out of the pool and sat on the edge and assessed (HA!) the problem. So you see the seam that runs vertically from the bottom of the back area down and around the bottom? My suit ripped along that seam from the beginning all the way around to the midpoint. If you know what I mean. All of the pool had a good view of my bottom and stretch marks and all of that stuff every time I did a flip turn. For 3,000 yards in a row.


So, now I'm in the market for a new suit. I'll be wearing a bikini for my swim tomorrow. Not very cool for the swim crowd but better than having my bottom hanging out.

PS I was going to post a link to a site to explain a "run" or "ladder" to the non-nylon familiar folks, but all I found were folks who are REALLY into laddered stockings, with videos. Ew.


Wes said...

ROFL! Oopsie :-) My dad used to call it "getting your ass up around your shoulders"!

Triathletes never quit :-)

Dorothy Gould said...

Good for you, not letting a little thing like that slow you down...very funny!

Nat said...

OMG that is hysterical. I thought crap like that only happened to me. This proves it. You and me are perfect training partners. Great prices.

jasonaut said...

Your story brightens my day like a full moon the night.

Al gets her suits from They have pirate-style, dragons, etc. They're pricy, but sturdy, very cool lookin and girly.

Charlie said...


Dogwood Girl said...

My Dad also calls it "showing your ass." He's Savannah folk - yours?

And of course, my sister and I also call it that now.

You have a nice ass - might as well show it off.